What makes good parents?
The bond between parents and children is one of love and affection; yet we come across people who hate their parents and also people who feel that their parents have let them down. Why it this the case ? Are these people unnatural or are they justified ? Perhaps in some cases they are justified. Most men and women get married and have children but not all of them are worthy of being parents. Parenthood, like other responsibilities, needs devotion, dedication and a lot of preparation. Prospective parents must recognize their responsibilities and realize what parenthood involves.
The first essential of good parenthood is the acceptance of the role. A man who marries when he is young may resent his first child for it would be a rival for the affection of the lady of the house. Similarly. a woman may resent her first child because it suddenly puts her in a different class of women. Couples who become parents can no longer call their time their own. Often the newcomer may necessitate changes in the household routine, giving up of a job on the part of the mother and various other sacrifices. The world of affection which should surround a child should precede its birth. It is here that good parenthood begins.
Fondness, however, is at no stage a synonym of pampering and spoiling children. Parents have the responsibility of cultivating those qualities in their children which may help them to face life, make them brave and likeable human beings, impart to them a sense of integrity and strength and these lessons cannot be learnt haphazardly. Parenthood is a full-time task and the only way of cultivating the right habits in children is through example and by providing an atmosphere which is conducive to the growth of these qualities. A child learns these virtues at home and the influence of his parents can counteract all other influences whether good or bad.
This is the theoretical aspect; in practice, the recipe for good parenthood is love and understanding. These two envelop a whole world in themselves. Love means love in the right degree, love which does not ignore discipline, love which does not yield for the wrong reasons and for the wrong ends, love which can provide security and confidence for the growing child, love which leads to sacrifices and makes one devote some time and join in enjoying the simple pleasures of childhood. Understanding means trying to find what the child wants and why, giving him the freedom to try new ideas, to experiment with hobbies and learn from the world of nature. Understanding in love becomes hiding one’s fears and allowing the child to develop a sense of adventure and fearlessness; it means loving without clinging. It is not only confined to this, it extends further. It includes patience and forbearance. There may be occasions when a child may be afraid of things: of participation in social and public functions, of swimming of heights and endless other things. Understanding means trying to find out the reasons for the fear and perhaps giving in for the time being and helping the child to overcome it gradually.
Whatever is of value in the human character is born out of love and understanding. There can be no strict rules that one should say “No”‘ or put one’s foot down or allow a child complete freedom. Each situation has to be judged and examined individually and each parent has to make the decision himself or herself. But there can be one rule: don’t corrupt the child. Don’t teach it to accept the second best, don’t bribe it into obedience, don’t be tyrannized by its tantrums, don’t blackmail it or allow it to blackmail you. If the child remains incorruptible, it has every chance of growing up to be a person of generosity and compassion.
Being a good parent is in itself a process of growing up. One should have the capacity to love and to love wisely: it is this kind of person who makes a good parent. Share yourself with your children and they will love you and learn from you.
