Thoughts on leaving your country permanently
There was still another half an hour for the plane to arrive. I had reported well in time and though a number of friends and relatives had come to see me off. I was alone with myself. It was difficult to listen to the advice being given to me and difficult indeed to keep on replying to the warm, friendly words. Inside me there was a hard knot and a feeling of being left out in the cold. I had signed the immigration papers and had decided to go to Canada leaving behind me the land of my forefathers. Of course there were many of our relatives who had settled in Canada, people who had lived there for two generations or more; yet I hardly knew them. They had made a few trips home in order to see the developments in their country of origin or to meet old relatives.
Looking out at the dark runway with the line of lights confining it to its proper place, I thought of my future. Was it going to be like this runway ? Would there he limits and barriers and notices indicating to me “Keep off” ? I was lost and bewildered. Where was the enthusiasm I had felt when I had set the whole process rolling? What had come over me ? I marveled at my own timidity. Would I be able to make friends, belong to group, be a person in my own right or would I he alienated ?
I remembered the vast open areas of our countryside, the village children playing about lustily. I remembered the time when I was one of them, roaming about half-clad. careless of the breeze and the rain. The village school was more of a playhouse for us where we used to get together. Then we shifted. My mother and I moved to the city where my father was working as an Assistant Manager in a firm. The city was more suited to my growing educational needs. Life was dusty, uncomfortably crowded but very enjoyable and the years at school passed surprisingly fast. Now I stood on the threshold of a career. My parents had used up all their saving in trying to set me up and now it was my turn to help them. Moreover. Canada had seemed so colorful and attractive a few months ago. It seemed to be the beginning of a new life, a window on a new world. So I had decided to go.
But now it all seemed so final. I could just feel my mother touching me and my younger sister clamoring for my attention. I would miss them more than I had bargained for. Would I he able to make a trip home soon ? The future was so uncertain.
I would be a stranger there. The process of making friends cannot be hurried; it would take its own time. I left so lonely, like a child lost in an indifferent world. How I longed for my childhood when I could have clung to my mother and held on to my father’s hand. I decided to look forward and not backward.
I decided to he the comforter rather than be comforted. I braced myself, stood straight and tall and cheerfully smiled at my sister. I promised I would write soon and visit them at the earliest. I put my arm round my mother and pulled her close to me. I told her, “Be brave, Mama. All will be fine”. I thought to myself “What will be will he”. I had the pangs of being free of parental care and I realized the importance of responsibility that is allied to freedom.
