The Reasons We Fight over Finance
The Reasons We Fight over FinanceWhen I started doing research for this column,asking what sorts of money fights people have, every single couple said the same thing:Well, we dont really fight about money.Right, right,right, Id have to say,backing away from the flame of lies.But we all have the occasional childish squabble, right?Even then people were hesitant.Well… maybe, theyd say.One woman described how her husband took away her credit card one day.Not that they fought about it.Or take another couple I know.I was at their house recently when the husband came home from work with a new drum set.He hadnt planed to drop 500 dollars on drums that day, he explained,as he unloaded the car, he just saw a classified ad and thought,why not?Although his wife appeared calm while I was there,she told me later that they had a long discussion about the factthat they had agreed to save money to buy a housenever mind their long-planned trip to Europe this summerand why did he have to buy a drum set NOW?What we have here is a failure to communicate.Its a fairly common fight,and it usually happens because the two people involved arent on the same page,says Barbara Steinmetz, a financial planner in Burlingame, Calif.One person thinks they have a shared goal of saving for a house, car or retirement, and the other doesnt.In fact, most fights occur not because of the amount of money spentbut because of unspoken expectations that couples haveand are often afraid to talk about.Sometimes its clashing styles, sometimes mismatched agendas,but people get so rooted in their own money viewsthat they cant see that their partner simply has a different perspective.Steinmetz described one couple she advised who had this blind spot.The husband first outlined his goals for investing, retirement savings, etc.Steinmetz then asked the wife about her goals.The husband was shocked to find out his wife had goalsand they were different from his! she says.
